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Conversations often stall when people become focused on a particular solution or outcome. When that happens, it can feel like there is nowhere to go.

One way to get unstuck is to look beyond positions and explore the interests behind them. Understanding what matters to each person can open up options that may not have been obvious before.

A position is the specific outcome someone is asking for:

“We need another person on this project.”

An interest is the concern, need, or priority behind that request:

“The workload is too heavy, and I’m concerned the quality will suffer.”

How to uncover interests

Try asking questions such as:

• “What’s the main concern behind that?”
• “What would this help solve?”
• “What’s most important to you here?”

Listen for underlying themes such as time, workload, recognition, flexibility, resources, or quality.

How to use interests to move the conversation forward

• Share what matters to you: “What I’m trying to address is the amount of work one person is managing.”
• Explore what matters to them: “What’s most important to you as we figure this out?”
• Look for common ground: “It sounds like we both want to avoid delays and maintain the quality of the work.”
• Generate options together: “Could we redistribute some tasks, adjust deadlines, or bring in temporary support? What other possibilities do you see?”

Focusing on interests does not guarantee agreement, but it can create more room for problem-solving. Instead of debating a single solution, people can work together to identify different ways to address what matters most.

If you are feeling stuck in a difficult situation at work and want support figuring out a path forward, the ombuds team is here to help. In an off-the-record meeting, the ombuds can help you think through what matters to you, consider different options, and prepare for a productive conversation. To learn more or set up a meeting, visit: